It’s important for you to know that your parents’ divorce isn’t your fault. While you might think that if you had behaved better or done better in school, your parents would still be together, this isn’t true. Your parents are adults, and their divorce is a grown-up solution to grown up problems. There isn’t anything that you did or didn’t do that led to your parent’s divorce. Divorce is never a child’s fault.
Usually, parents decide to get a divorce after a lot of consideration. Your parents might have tried to get help for the problems they were having together. You’re allowed to ask your parents about the divorce and any questions you have about it. You can also share your feelings and any thoughts you have about the divorce with your parents. It’s your parents’ job to support you and be there for you.
Your life can change a lot after the divorce. It’s easier for your parents to make arrangements that you’ll be happy with when they know how you feel and have listened to your opinions about living in two homes. However, this doesn’t mean that you get to make decisions. When you discuss things together, your parents will be able to explain why some of your wishes aren’t practical. It’s usually easier to accept your parents’ decisions when you understand their reasons.
All feelings are valid
The divorce might make you feel sad, disappointed, relieved, happy, anxious, upset, or even angry. It’s normal for your feelings to be all over the place from one minute or day to the next. You’re entitled to your feelings and it’s your right to be understood, have your feelings heard, and be comforted. Your parents might have different feelings about the divorce than you do, which is fine.
It’s important that the divorce doesn’t turn into a topic that nobody talks about. It’s great if you can talk about things to do with the divorce with your parents or another adult. Sometimes it can be hard to ask questions or talk about your feelings. If talking feels hard, you can try writing a letter to the adult you’d like to talk to instead.
If the divorce came as a surprise to you, the situation can be confusing. Missing your parents is unavoidable. You can stay with one parent and miss your other parent at the same time.
The divorce could also feel like a relief, especially if there’s been a lot of arguing and tension between your parents at home. If your parents haven’t been getting along, things at home can calm down when your parents don’t live together anymore. Divorce is sometimes a way to solve problems and separating can help your parents be happier in their own lives.